A couple months ago...
Dad: Have you ever thought about writing?
Me: You mean besides posting my sexual exploits on the internet?
Wait, no, that's not how the conversation went.
Dad: Have you ever thought about writing?
Me: No, not really. I don't have anything to say.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
The Game
About half way through the date I made a joke about The Mystery Method. He then asks me if I read The Game.
Um, no. But I am familiar.
He then proceeds to confess that he works as a Social Coach. Riiight. Apparently "Social Coach" is euphemism for "guy who teaches other guys how to talk to girls." He works for "The Juggler," one of the Pickup Artists profiled in The Game.
I feel a little awkward for the next few minutes. I mean, I have READ The Mystery Method, I know that it doesn't matter how smart/funny/saintly a girl is, all that matters is whether or not you want to bone her (yeah, I just used "to bone" as a verb, what of it?). Apparently, or according the guy who works for The Juggler who also happens to be on a date with me, The Juggler is way less sleazy than Mystery. I don't know if I believe it. I really don't.
Thing is, though, no matter who I go out with, it's going to be part of one game or another. Whether he's looking for someone to take home to his mom or he's looking for someone just to take home, he has a goal in mind. Taking that into account, I might as well spend my time with someone who knows the rules of the game he's playing and how to achieve his objective.
Um, no. But I am familiar.
He then proceeds to confess that he works as a Social Coach. Riiight. Apparently "Social Coach" is euphemism for "guy who teaches other guys how to talk to girls." He works for "The Juggler," one of the Pickup Artists profiled in The Game.
I feel a little awkward for the next few minutes. I mean, I have READ The Mystery Method, I know that it doesn't matter how smart/funny/saintly a girl is, all that matters is whether or not you want to bone her (yeah, I just used "to bone" as a verb, what of it?). Apparently, or according the guy who works for The Juggler who also happens to be on a date with me, The Juggler is way less sleazy than Mystery. I don't know if I believe it. I really don't.
Thing is, though, no matter who I go out with, it's going to be part of one game or another. Whether he's looking for someone to take home to his mom or he's looking for someone just to take home, he has a goal in mind. Taking that into account, I might as well spend my time with someone who knows the rules of the game he's playing and how to achieve his objective.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Learning Experiences
Here are some of the things I've learned in the last 48 hours:
1) Even if it seems like a good idea at the time, do not let your friend write on your bare back in Sharpie. It is, however, a great idea to write on her back. Especially if it is her birthday.
2) When at a bar in The City and said friend starts to leave with 3 friendly but unfamiliar men, it is well worth it to go with her. Adventure will surely follow, whereas if you let her go alone it would likely turn into an episode of "Law and Order: SVU."
3) Do not, under ANY circumstances, exchange numbers with a 23-year-old who is about to move to Australia. He might have started out cute, but he'll be a lot less cute when he texts you and your friends after last call saying he has no place to sleep.
4) Do not feel guilty when you do not answer his call
5) Don't leave ANYTHING in your car when you're parked on the street. Some tweeked out meth head WILL break your window and try to steal your shit.
6) Don't automatically assume that because you pay your insurance company massive amounts of money, they will help you pay for your broken window and jacked up trunk lock.
7) Make sure that the window guys charge you what you were quoted.
8) After a long, sleep-deprived day of dealing with insurance and repair people followed by going to work and dealing with silly customers, a dinner of hot chocolate is completely acceptable and encouraged.
9) Mr. Jameson is your friend.
1) Even if it seems like a good idea at the time, do not let your friend write on your bare back in Sharpie. It is, however, a great idea to write on her back. Especially if it is her birthday.
2) When at a bar in The City and said friend starts to leave with 3 friendly but unfamiliar men, it is well worth it to go with her. Adventure will surely follow, whereas if you let her go alone it would likely turn into an episode of "Law and Order: SVU."
3) Do not, under ANY circumstances, exchange numbers with a 23-year-old who is about to move to Australia. He might have started out cute, but he'll be a lot less cute when he texts you and your friends after last call saying he has no place to sleep.
4) Do not feel guilty when you do not answer his call
5) Don't leave ANYTHING in your car when you're parked on the street. Some tweeked out meth head WILL break your window and try to steal your shit.
6) Don't automatically assume that because you pay your insurance company massive amounts of money, they will help you pay for your broken window and jacked up trunk lock.
7) Make sure that the window guys charge you what you were quoted.
8) After a long, sleep-deprived day of dealing with insurance and repair people followed by going to work and dealing with silly customers, a dinner of hot chocolate is completely acceptable and encouraged.
9) Mr. Jameson is your friend.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Dear Job Seeker
Dear Job Seeker,
Your out-going ring is not professional. When you make me listen to crappy country or gangsta rap, I do NOT want to consider you for a job.
Please take the necessary steps to remedy this at your earliest convenience.
Regards,
Office Monkey
Sunday, July 27, 2008
The Wall, revisited
Background: While out last night I run into The Wall (of "talking to a wall" fame). I say hello and I'm friendly. We make small talk because I'm friends with his freinds. Everything is fine until...
Him: So are you coming over tonight?
Me: No
Him: Why not?
Me: I'm going home.
Him: There are a bunch of cool people at my complex we could hang out with
Me: I know. I've been there
Him: So are you coming over?
Me: No.
Him: So are you coming over tonight?
Me: No
Him: Why not?
Me: I'm going home.
Him: There are a bunch of cool people at my complex we could hang out with
Me: I know. I've been there
Him: So are you coming over?
Me: No.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Paraphrasing My Job
Hiring Manager: Candidates need at least 5 years of Loadrunner experience.
Me: This candidate has 8 years.
Hiring Manager: It's only 1 line on his resume. I'm not interested.
Me: Would you like to at least talk to him?
Hiring Manager: No. You're stupid.
Me: Right now the Loadrunner position is our only priority. All of our other hiring managers are out of the office.
Recruiter: OK, we're on it.
***30 minutes later***
Recruiter: Here's candidate X's resume for your other position
Me: Thanks, but this manager is out of town all week. Please focus on Loadrunner
***Next day***
Recruiter: Do you have any feedback on Candidate X?
Me: No, You're stupid.
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