Me: Yeah, the location is great. It's a 10 minute walk from the Farmer's Market and all the bars I go to.
Robby: So you won't have to worry about CalTrain anymore?
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Learning Experiences
Here are some of the things I've learned in the last 48 hours:
1) Even if it seems like a good idea at the time, do not let your friend write on your bare back in Sharpie. It is, however, a great idea to write on her back. Especially if it is her birthday.
2) When at a bar in The City and said friend starts to leave with 3 friendly but unfamiliar men, it is well worth it to go with her. Adventure will surely follow, whereas if you let her go alone it would likely turn into an episode of "Law and Order: SVU."
3) Do not, under ANY circumstances, exchange numbers with a 23-year-old who is about to move to Australia. He might have started out cute, but he'll be a lot less cute when he texts you and your friends after last call saying he has no place to sleep.
4) Do not feel guilty when you do not answer his call
5) Don't leave ANYTHING in your car when you're parked on the street. Some tweeked out meth head WILL break your window and try to steal your shit.
6) Don't automatically assume that because you pay your insurance company massive amounts of money, they will help you pay for your broken window and jacked up trunk lock.
7) Make sure that the window guys charge you what you were quoted.
8) After a long, sleep-deprived day of dealing with insurance and repair people followed by going to work and dealing with silly customers, a dinner of hot chocolate is completely acceptable and encouraged.
9) Mr. Jameson is your friend.
1) Even if it seems like a good idea at the time, do not let your friend write on your bare back in Sharpie. It is, however, a great idea to write on her back. Especially if it is her birthday.
2) When at a bar in The City and said friend starts to leave with 3 friendly but unfamiliar men, it is well worth it to go with her. Adventure will surely follow, whereas if you let her go alone it would likely turn into an episode of "Law and Order: SVU."
3) Do not, under ANY circumstances, exchange numbers with a 23-year-old who is about to move to Australia. He might have started out cute, but he'll be a lot less cute when he texts you and your friends after last call saying he has no place to sleep.
4) Do not feel guilty when you do not answer his call
5) Don't leave ANYTHING in your car when you're parked on the street. Some tweeked out meth head WILL break your window and try to steal your shit.
6) Don't automatically assume that because you pay your insurance company massive amounts of money, they will help you pay for your broken window and jacked up trunk lock.
7) Make sure that the window guys charge you what you were quoted.
8) After a long, sleep-deprived day of dealing with insurance and repair people followed by going to work and dealing with silly customers, a dinner of hot chocolate is completely acceptable and encouraged.
9) Mr. Jameson is your friend.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Dear Job Seeker
Dear Job Seeker,
Your out-going ring is not professional. When you make me listen to crappy country or gangsta rap, I do NOT want to consider you for a job.
Please take the necessary steps to remedy this at your earliest convenience.
Regards,
Office Monkey
Sunday, July 27, 2008
The Wall, revisited
Background: While out last night I run into The Wall (of "talking to a wall" fame). I say hello and I'm friendly. We make small talk because I'm friends with his freinds. Everything is fine until...
Him: So are you coming over tonight?
Me: No
Him: Why not?
Me: I'm going home.
Him: There are a bunch of cool people at my complex we could hang out with
Me: I know. I've been there
Him: So are you coming over?
Me: No.
Him: So are you coming over tonight?
Me: No
Him: Why not?
Me: I'm going home.
Him: There are a bunch of cool people at my complex we could hang out with
Me: I know. I've been there
Him: So are you coming over?
Me: No.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Paraphrasing My Job
Hiring Manager: Candidates need at least 5 years of Loadrunner experience.
Me: This candidate has 8 years.
Hiring Manager: It's only 1 line on his resume. I'm not interested.
Me: Would you like to at least talk to him?
Hiring Manager: No. You're stupid.
Me: Right now the Loadrunner position is our only priority. All of our other hiring managers are out of the office.
Recruiter: OK, we're on it.
***30 minutes later***
Recruiter: Here's candidate X's resume for your other position
Me: Thanks, but this manager is out of town all week. Please focus on Loadrunner
***Next day***
Recruiter: Do you have any feedback on Candidate X?
Me: No, You're stupid.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Like Talking to a Wall
Him: What are you up to?
Me: I’m staying in
Him: Want to come over?
Me: No, I’m staying in
Him: What does that mean? You’re not coming over?
Me: It means that I am in my sweats and I don’t want to go out, but have a good night, ok?
Him: Want me to come over there?
Me: No
Him: Why not?
Me: Because I didn’t invite you over. Good night.
Him: But won’t you be lonely?
Me: No.
Him: But what if there are hoodlums around?
Me: I’ll manage. Good night.
Him: So you’re not coming over?
Me: No
Him: When can we hang out again?
Me: You know, I’m just not interested. Have a good night.
Him: Are you mad at me?
Me: No, I’m just not interested
Him: You don’t want me to call you again?
Me: That would be best. I’m going to go now.
Him: You’re mad at me?
Me: Look, I don’t like to repeat myself and every time we hang out, I end up repeating myself, again and again. You’ve asked me at least 3 times if I have roommates and every time I say no; I’ve told you about my scooter a bunch of times and you were still shocked when you saw it. I don’t want to be a bitch right now, but I kind of am and I’m OK with that. You have a good night.
Him: So you don’t want me to call you again?
Me: No, have a good night
Him: Have a good life.
*****5 minutes later by text*****
Him: Sorry
Me: I’m staying in
Him: Want to come over?
Me: No, I’m staying in
Him: What does that mean? You’re not coming over?
Me: It means that I am in my sweats and I don’t want to go out, but have a good night, ok?
Him: Want me to come over there?
Me: No
Him: Why not?
Me: Because I didn’t invite you over. Good night.
Him: But won’t you be lonely?
Me: No.
Him: But what if there are hoodlums around?
Me: I’ll manage. Good night.
Him: So you’re not coming over?
Me: No
Him: When can we hang out again?
Me: You know, I’m just not interested. Have a good night.
Him: Are you mad at me?
Me: No, I’m just not interested
Him: You don’t want me to call you again?
Me: That would be best. I’m going to go now.
Him: You’re mad at me?
Me: Look, I don’t like to repeat myself and every time we hang out, I end up repeating myself, again and again. You’ve asked me at least 3 times if I have roommates and every time I say no; I’ve told you about my scooter a bunch of times and you were still shocked when you saw it. I don’t want to be a bitch right now, but I kind of am and I’m OK with that. You have a good night.
Him: So you don’t want me to call you again?
Me: No, have a good night
Him: Have a good life.
*****5 minutes later by text*****
Him: Sorry
Monday, March 17, 2008
3:30am on a Sunday Morning
911: 911. What is your emergency?
Me: Um, I’m stuck on a Caltrain
911: Do you need any medical attention?
Me: No, I just feel really dumb.
911: Where are you now?
Me: In San Jose. I think I’m at the Caltrain Depot off of Coleman
911: Could you tell me what happened?
Me: I took the 12:01 train from San Francisco and I fell asleep and I just woke up and now I can’t get out because the door is locked.
911: OK, I’ll contact Caltrain Police. If no one is there in 15 minutes, call us back.
Me: Thanks.
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