Since that day in June 1986, I felt sorry for myself. Felt sad that I was the girl without the mother. As I grew up I learned how to avoid thinking about it. But it comes back. When it does, I don't let my heart feel that way for long and I move on, move past, think of something else.
On that evening in May 2015, I started to change. I stopped thinking only about what I had lost as a child and began to realize how much she missed as a mother. It didn't occur to me as a girl or a young woman how much she would have wanted to be there. I think of it now, though. And now that I'm getting to that third year as a mother, I am finding it harder to think of something else. What if I only get 3 years with her?
All I want out of this life, is to see my girls grow up to be happy, in whatever way they choose to be. I don't just them to grow up, I want to be there to see it. I want more than 3 years.
